An unfinished love sonnet for R&J

Continuing my mission to do at least some of the same work that I ask my students to do (I figure that within a year or two of teaching I ought to have managed to write up exemplars of it all), I started working on a Shakespearian sonnet for my year ten class. I started working on it while at that training seminar I went to two weeks back, but haven't really done much with it since. It's almost done--the third stanza's a mess, and that's what I haven't finished yet. Any suggestions?

A Love Sonnet for R&J

When I think of you my mind’s eye sees ice
Unyielding, rigid and bright, strong and cold.
Unthawing such a love comes at a price
Too heavy to bear, or so I’ve been told.

But cold can burn as strongly as the sun
And captured light in hoary form does shine
Brighter than light unconfined. Do not shun
This inconstant star, this brilliance of mine.

[If lonely passion seems too weak to melt]
or
[My love may not burn strong enough to melt
Passions spent too quickly may not touch deep
Yet last long. Caught in glass they may be felt]

Separate things in frozen form become one;
Caught in you my love be forever done.

Meh. So some bits weaker than the rest, but overall not too shabby, I think. Well, fine... but it's still a hell of a lot better than my Villanelle!

Letting the Curtain Fall

I mentioned it over in my daily blog but only made a short, passing reference to it: I've finally started a novel, a serious, real effort at a long piece of writing, the first in... I don't know, since I was a teenager in high school, starting a new novel every other month.

I kept delaying the start through over-planning and outlining and character sketching, but finally stopped and forced myself to start writing. And yeah, what I'm writing might not even be very good, but it's a definite start. I've been back to it a few times since, time allowing, and written more and I'm feeling optimistic about the whole thing. Starting this, however, has almost certainly killed at least one of my fanfiction projects: Let the Curtain Fall. That story simply meshed far too well with the story I've started, and I've basically stolen from myself and integrated elements of that plot into this new one.

Every now and then I'll post little bits of the story here, I think, and now that I've actually got a proper 'work in progress' I should be able to use this blog in the function it was originally intended for: a sounding board for idea and a running commentary on my writing process. A place for rewrites (appropriately enough, through teaching I've finally learnt the value of second and third drafts) and the venting of frustrations.

In the meantime, here it is: the rushed first sentence, written at 11:59 pm on Halloween night, the final minute of my 30th year.

In the setting sun restless water glimmered with reddish tints and cast dappled crimson hues against the grey concrete wall.